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Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Funny Joke: To Be 6 Again

Posted by 104Inc.com on March 4, 2009

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 07:  A man exercises on t...
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A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.  Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday.

‘I’d like to be six again,’ she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M& M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, well Dear, what was it like being six again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ‘I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!’

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he’s gonna get it wrong.

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Joke: Grandma’s 100th Birthday!

Posted by 104Inc.com on January 15, 2009

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. 

Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. 

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. 

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. 

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. 

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, ‘Hi, Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?’ 

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to her nephew…… . 


‘Bastards won’t let me fart.’ 

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Whether Democrat or Republican, you should get a kick out of this!

Posted by 104Inc.com on November 3, 2008

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’
Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family , so call me The
President
.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so! we call her the
Government
.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you
the People
.

The nanny, we will consider her the
Working Class
.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’
S o the little boy! Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother asleep.  
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’ The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’

The little boy replies,
‘The
President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

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Broke into laughter: Jokes about the financial crisis (and share yours)

Posted by 104Inc.com on October 14, 2008

If you had purchased $1,000 of Nortel stock a year ago, it would now be worth $49. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5 left. if you had bought $1,000 of Delta Airlines stock you’d have $49 left. With United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank it and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214. The best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. it is called the 401-Keg Plan.

* How do you define optimism? A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.

 

* “It’s worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

* What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four.

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