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Posts Tagged ‘Iraq’

Dear Red States: From Blue States

Posted by 104Inc.com on November 4, 2008

Dear Red States:

We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss. We get 85 percent of America ‘s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition‘s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. Finally, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .

Peace out,

Blue States

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So You Still Don’t Know Who to Vote For, Huh?

Posted by 104Inc.com on October 9, 2008

US Senator Barack Obama campaigning in New Ham...

Image via Wikipedia

Webster’s dictionary defines debate as “a discussion, as of a public question in an assembly, involving opposing viewpoints.”

Now, either Mr. Webster was hallucinating when he defined that word, or Sarah “Pail In Comparison” Palin and John “I-have-no-substance-so-let-me-just-talk-smack-on-Obama” McCain have taken the liberty of redefining the word before our very eyes.

It’s a funny thing, really. After watching the Vice Presidential and Presidential debates, I saw one thing that got me thinking. McCain and Palin do belong together, but they’re on the wrong network, and on the wrong platform. Considering that neither of them could answer a question with a real answer to save their lives, and considering all the ‘dancing’ they do around each question, they’d be better served on Dancing With the Stars. However, I must admit that McCain has impressed me greatly – for a man with his physical ailments, barely able to raise his hands and walk fluidly, he sure can groove – who said white men can’t dance, huh?

On the flip-side, you have the stellar, stoic, and confident Obama who looks in the eye of the camera, in the eye of the American people, and instills confidence in us, instead of instilling further fear that we will all one day have to flee to neighboring countries and watch the USA crumble into oblivion. Obama will make a change, people!

So, you still don’t know who to vote for, huh? Well, let me ease this burden for you. We spend, and have been spending $10,000,000,000 a month in Iraq for the past several years. Did you get that? Not $10,000, not $10,000,000, but TEN BILLION DOLLARS A MONTH IN IRAQ. Now, don’t you think that TEN BILLION DOLLARS would be better suited coming back into our economy? I thought so.Where is Bin Laden? Where is Al-Qaida? They sure as hell aren’t in Iraq. They’re in Afghanistan, parts of Pakistan, and God knows where, yet we’re still up in Iraq’s kool-aid. What gives? Basically, the Republicans have taken each and every consumer, bent them over, handled their business, and didn’t even have the common courtesy to give a reach-around.

Finally, I’ll leave you with this. McCain will give a huge tax break to those who make over $200,000/year, while the rest of us John. Q.Taxpayers (not Joe Six-Packs: a retarded euphemism) have to tighten our wallets. On the other hand, Obama will raise taxes only for those who make the $200,000/year, while the remaining 95% of the population won’t see any increase. Now, I know it’s odd to see a politician display common sense and present an actual plan to benefit this country, but I tell you, it’s either Obama or nothing.

Bottom line:

McCain = The rich get richer, we stay in Iraq fighting a meaningless war, spending billions monthly while the country continues in its worst recession since 1929.

Obama = The country is assisted. Taxpayers get a break. The economy gets boosted, and we’re on our way to the international supremacy we once possessed.

Need any more help? Not sure which way to go? Well, at least there’s one easy choice. Log on to 104Vote.com for related articles on the upcoming election, as well as simple and easy ways to accommodate all your needs! Stay tuned for Part III next week when I get into the fundamental differences in their health care views.

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